


as we walk

by tkreyesevandiaz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Caring Evan "Buck" Buckley, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Communication, Emotional Eddie Diaz, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Coda for 3x18, Fluff, Healthy Communication, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Our boys stay winning, POV Eddie Diaz, Pre-Relationship, Protective Eddie Diaz, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Slight mention of Buck/Abby, This is kinda chill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz
Summary: Buck's been dealing with a few things after his talk with Abby. Eddie's not quite ready to see Christopher grow up so fast.They find comfort in talking to each other about it.Or, the one where Buck and Eddie communicate.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 45
Kudos: 399





	as we walk

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at summaries omg, it is _so_ subject to change. 
> 
> Don't ask me why I keep writing in Eddie's POV xD 
> 
> This has been a two-week work in progress, because the ending wasn't quite coming together the way I wanted it to, but hopefully y'all like this! Thank you for all the love on my previous fics!
> 
> I'm dedicating this to @kitkat0723 for being such an amazing supporter! Also, this includes part of a prompt that @desertwytch sent me on Tumblr, though this work was not written explicitly for it. 
> 
> The rating is for brief language lol. **Do not read if you have not watched 911's Season 3 Finale**
> 
> Here's a quick note: Everything I wrote about Buck and Abby below is my own interpretation of the talk they had. I know that it's a little polarizing because there's a huge discourse about if that was an apology or not, and this is just my take on it. Please do be kind and respectful to creators, even if they don't share the same opinions as you :) <3 Thank you guys for all the love!

This was the part Eddie was dreading about being a parent.

Not that he _wasn’t_ proud to see his son become more and more independent every day, become more outgoing and willing to put himself out there. It was just _so hard_ to see him grow up. 

It felt like yesterday that he was cradling a newborn in his hands, a human that was dependent on him for everything. Now, day by day, Eddie could feel him pulling away from that little by little and he...wasn’t quite ready to deal with that just yet. 

This summer camp business only cemented that feeling for him. But he’d try for Christopher.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay, buddy?”

“Dad!” Christopher said exasperatedly. “I think _you’re_ the one who should be asking yourself that.” Eddie had asked the same question at least fifteen times since they’d left the house ten minutes ago. He couldn’t help it.

“Hey, my kid’s growing up. Let me be emotional.” Eddie ruffled his hair before leaning down, straightening Chris’ shirt as he fought back the onslaught of emotion threatening to break his resolve. “Now, remember what I told you at home?”

“Be careful, don’t talk to strangers, and stay with the group. And play nice,” his son recited with all the patience of a nine-year-old, which was minuscule. Still, Eddie took what he could get from him.

“Yup. And _have fun_. You can call me whenever you want, but take this as the new experience it’s meant to be.” 

“Did you and Buck go to summer camps?” Chris asked, humming thoughtfully at the words.

“I’m not sure about Buck, but I definitely didn’t. Mostly because they didn’t really have cool summer camps near El Paso when I was a kid. Spent my summers playing baseball.”

“You should have a good time during these two weeks,” Christopher pointed out as they walked towards where the other parents were waving their kids good-bye. “Like your own summer camp for adults.”

Eddie laughed. “I’m gonna miss you way too much.”

“Yeah, and so will Buck, so you can have a good time _with_ him. It’ll stop you both from missing me too much.” Sometimes, Eddie doubted that his son was only nine. He quirked a brow at the not-so-subtle hint, clearly smelling something fishy here.

“Is that so?” Chris nodded vigorously, giving him a toothy smile. “We’ll try, kiddo,” he said, heart squeezing a little at the sight of overjoyed kids already climbing into the bus. The vibration of excitement in Christopher’s body language told him that he was dying to join his friends over there, even if Eddie wasn’t quite ready to let him go yet. “Give me a hug before you get on the bus.”

He held his son tightly for a minute, breathing his unique scent in as he pressed a kiss to his head. Chris leaned against him for balance as he pulled back to unzip his bag. Eddie watched, confused, until his son gave him a blue card with ‘Dad’ stamped on the front.

“Here. Open it after the bus leaves,” Chris instructed, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s neck again. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, too. Have fun, okay buddy?” Chris nodded and turned to walk onto the bus. 

Eddie was thrown back to their early days in LA, where he’d watched Chris go off to school, wondering if he’d made the right choice in moving here. All he’d been thinking at the time was if he had it in him to provide the best quality of life he could.

Standing here two years after the fact, he had no doubt that they’d made the right decision to move, to lay roots down in LA. Today, the doubt was more if he was making the right choice in letting his son stay two weeks without him, at a camp that _wasn’t_ twenty minutes away.

Eddie caught sight of Christopher’s beaming smile as he sat in a seat, peering out at him with his little face glowing. He was standing a lot closer than the other parents to the bus, still trying to fight the protective instinct roaring up in him, but one look at his son’s happiness and he realized that he’d definitely made the right decision.

He waved at him as the bus started up, rumbling forward in plumes of exhaust and the faint cheers of excited kids. Staring down at the folded piece of paper in front of him, he flipped it open, smiling down at the words.

 _You are going to have a Great Time  
_ _Love, Christopher_

The little devil had come prepared to make him feel better. Eddie kinda wanted to sprint after the bus to pull his son right back to him, smother him in love. As he ran a thumb along his kid’s name in the familiar handwriting, he wished - not for the first time - that Buck was here today. 

They’d been co-parenting Chris for so long, and Eddie didn’t even have it in him to deny it, even if he wasn't quite sure what had stopped him from inviting him to drop Chris off. Buck was just as concerned with Christopher going off to camp for the first time, skillfully hiding it as best as he could from the kid but Eddie knew he was climbing walls with his own brand of anxiety.

The other parents were walking away behind him before the dust from the exhaust had even dissipated, and Eddie wondered if this was easy for them. There were probably a few who had kids that had gone to summer camps before, but Eddie didn’t feel like it would ever get easier. He knew that he was definitely far more protective than he needed to be, Christopher’s CP notwithstanding, but he still couldn’t help the feeling that he was overreacting.

Just two weeks.

Eddie sighed, watching the back of the bus until it turned at an intersection, driving out of view. 

He didn’t know how long he stood there but seeing how he was alone when he tuned back into reality, it must’ve been a while. Eddie let out a breath and turned to leave, catching sight of a very familiar figure leaning on a tree across the street from the school, grinning at him.

_Speak of the devil._

Buck gestured for him to wait, glancing quickly in both directions before jogging across the street to him. Eddie’s heart jumped to his throat at the sight of a car speeding towards him, instantly springing into action to pull Buck out of traffic if needed.

The younger man just waved apologetically at the now-cross driver, bounding over to Eddie to wrap him in one of his bear hugs.

“Do you want to die?” Eddie demanded as they pulled away, scanning Buck’s body for any injuries. “What the fuck was that? You of all people should know how to cross the fucking street."

“Your helicopter dad's showing, embellished with that _language,_ ” Buck remarked dryly. “And anyway, _he_ was speeding in a school zone. _I_ was being nice when I apologized.” He beamed widely, holding his hands up innocently. “I thought you were gonna stand here forever.”

“What’re you even doing here?”

Buck shrugged, shifting on his heels nervously. “Came to make sure you were okay. And wanted to see my little man before he went to camp.”

“You could’ve met Chris.” Eddie’s brow furrowed in confusion, even as his chest constricted painfully with the flood of emotion. “Were you late or something?” 

“Nope. I was here even before you two were, but...I thought you needed to do this yourself.”

Not for the first time, Eddie felt the familiar warmth of gratefulness swell up in him for his best friend. They’d really lucked out when Buck stepped into their lives.

And he was right. As much as Eddie wished Buck had been with him, he had to get used to things like this on his own.

“Yeah, maybe. But I wished you were here with me anyway,” Eddie confessed quietly, the vulnerable words coming a little easier to him. Buck’s smile only grew as his face softened, no judgement at all in his body language.

“Could’ve just let me know. God knows I’ve been fluttering around about the entire camp business. I still say it’s child labor to make them grow their own vegetables. And then cook with them? Nope.”

Eddie laughed as they turned towards the parking lot. His steps seemed lighter now that he had Buck by his side. 

Buck had researched up and down about all of the possible combinations and permutations of ways Chris could need them, and had sat him down and made him memorize both Eddie’s and Buck’s numbers, along with Carla’s and Bobby’s just in case.

Secretly, Eddie had already done that, but it was fun to watch Buck turn into an overprotective teddy bear while Chris shot him exasperated looks over the other man’s shoulders, dutifully reciting the numbers for Buck’s sake anyway. Somehow, Buck’s freaking out managed to settle Eddie in his skin enough that he didn’t release the full-force of his coddling over the kid.

“Yeah, you have been. I think you’ve been worse than I have,” he mused. “Hey, Chris asked me today if you’d ever gone to summer camps when you were a kid.”

Just like any time his childhood was brought up, Buck’s face tightened a little, closing off to Eddie. He hated seeing that, hated knowing that Buck had put up a guard between them but he respected it. There were a lot of topics about his own life that he didn’t breach with Buck either; it was only fair to extend that same courtesy.

“Yeah, I did,” Buck said shortly. Eddie thought that would be the end of it, but surprisingly, Buck continued. “My parents were okay people, they weren’t bad. They were just...distant, busy with work. Didn’t really know how to parent. Signed both of us up for so many things so we’d stay just as busy, which included summer camps. They wanted us to become all-rounded. Which we did, I think. Maddie has all these badass things she knows. Not sure how I turned out but…”

“The best.” The words fell easily from Eddie’s mouth, and for once, he didn’t feel the roaring need to retract his statement. Buck stared at him, jaw slack but Eddie just shrugged. “You’re the best. Chris and I are lucky to have you in our lives.”

He unlocked his truck and pointed between a still-frozen Buck and the door. “Coming?” 

The younger man snapped out of whatever he was thinking about to climb into Eddie’s car. “You’re bringing me back for my Jeep.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go out for breakfast today.”

“We’re going out because _you_ can’t cook and _I_ don't want to,” Buck snorted, fiddling with the OnStar system to play something. Eddie glared at him from the driver’s seat, still trying to distract himself from the stretching distance between him and Chris. “That place near the station?”

“If we were going near the station, we could’ve just gone and joined the crew. Enjoy Bobby’s breakfast and _not_ spend money,” he said. There was a new breakfast place near his house that he’d been meaning to try and there was no better time than the present, especially seeing that they were both off today.

“Point,” Buck laughed, relaxing back into the seat as the strains of the Chainsmokers’ _Closer_ rang out in the cab of his truck. 

They pulled up and placed their orders, getting their coffees near immediately as they slid into a booth in the back corner.

“Christopher said we have to spend time together so we don’t miss him too much,” Eddie relayed the message as he sipped on the hot caffeine. Buck threw his head back and laughed, a rich sound that almost echoed in the quaint diner. It was hardly loud enough to garner much attention, but it had Eddie fixated on the beaming smile that adorned his face at the notion.

“He told me the same thing last night,” Buck chuckled. “Gave me clear instructions to keep his dad in line.”

Eddie rolled his eyes fondly, well-used to Buck and Christopher ganging up on him. 

The conversation melted into lighter topics as their food came, a good distraction from the fact that Christopher was now on a bus going away from them for two weeks. The food was great, but the company was even better. He and Buck talked about the firehouse, the latest shows on Netflix, the most disgusting calls they’d ever been on, the list of non-cartoon movies they planned to watch over the next two weeks.

It tipped him off, though, when the last few answers Buck had given were distracted and short, almost as if he wasn’t quite there. Eddie looked up from his omelette to find Buck staring off somewhere to the side, looking a little wistful as his pancakes lay abandoned in front of him.

He followed his gaze to find a couple sitting a few paces away from them, at a table near the window. They were dressed in sweatpants and T-shirts, clearly having rolled out of bed, unbelievably happy to just _be_ in each other’s company as they laughed freely over their own plates of breakfast. They made a striking image against the light streaming through the window.

Eddie and Buck had been told multiple times that once the two of them got talking, they formed an impenetrable bubble of sorts. Something that was unique to just them because there were so many inside jokes and silent communications between them that it was just difficult for other people to join that. 

If he had to describe it, that’s what the couple looked like.

It wasn’t that Eddie was stupid; he was a grown-ass man, not a teenager with his first crush. He knew what crackled between him and Buck, knew that they had the potential to take that intimate energy in a direction that neither of them would’ve seen two years ago. 

He also knew that Buck knew it; the signs were all there. The unabashed flirting that Eddie was rusty with, the ease with which he slipped into Eddie’s life, the way he was with Christopher. All of it was indicative of their family unit, just waiting for them to take the final step.

But they weren’t ready for it. The surprise encounter with Abby had left Buck raw and flayed open, and Eddie wasn’t in a good place with his mental health either. There wasn’t an opportunity to start something new. For now, Eddie was content in the knowledge that they _could_ take it further, content in the fact that they both could fall into each other like this without defining it just yet.

Eddie wondered if Buck was seeing the same thing he was, but one look at his best friend’s struck face and white-knuckled grip around his utensil, and he instantly knew what Buck was thinking. 

It helped a lot that Buck wore all his emotions in the open, but there were particular moments where his expression refused to betray any internal turmoil. Days where his eyes were a little too bright and smile a little too wide. There was a guard that came up on his face and body language, which to Eddie was a lot more telling than anything else Buck could say with words.

He’d only quite seen that specific expression when Buck was thinking about Abby.

Eddie gave Buck the space to think whatever he was thinking as he mulled over his own meeting with the older woman. He’d only heard bits and pieces of Buck and Abby’s relationship, but he could infer what she’d done to Buck.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting Abby to look or be like but the middle-aged woman trying to convince him to let her go back into the train wreck wasn’t it. Then, Buck had been there, and Abby was yelling about a fiancé and Buck was looking like the train had hit _him_. 

It had taken every last bit of his training to not snap at her for putting that look on Buck’s face. He’d curtly gotten the information and beckoned Buck to follow him, taken aback by the younger man making a blind promise. The impending knowledge that Buck wasn’t about to stop at anything to get Sam back to Abby had Eddie on edge the entire rescue, watching Buck carefully.

In truth, he saw it coming from miles away. Even if there had been no knowing that the man with the lesser chance of survival was Abby’s fiancé, Buck was nearly incapable of accepting that sometimes, they couldn’t do anything to help. He pushed and pushed until it broke, but he never gave up.

It was a quality that Eddie admired the most about him, his willingness to stop at nothing if it meant not giving up. But in situations like that, he didn’t know how to handle it. He didn’t know how to handle the desperation in Buck’s voice, didn’t understand how to pull him back from throwing himself head-on with no sense of self-preservation.

His jealousy and irrationally overrode his normally-stoic mindset when he snapped at Buck, and the flash of hurt that passed through his eyes would haunt Eddie forever, but _hell_ if Eddie was going to let Buck kill himself for this. 

Still, he trusted Buck with everything in him; if Buck had a plan, then it was well-thought out. 

There was one unspoken truth that kept them bound during these life-threatening rescues: no matter what, Buck was going to fight to get Eddie home to Christopher.

The trick was that Eddie had his own form of that truth that included _both_ of them going home to Christopher, to Maddie; to their families. Buck would never accept it, so it was a secret Eddie kept hidden in plain sight.

“Where’d you go?” Eddie said quietly, leaning back in his seat to look at his best friend with the most assuring look he could muster. Buck startled out of his thoughts, but turned to look at him with wide, alert eyes. It took a minute for him to find the words.

“Abby and I talked a few days ago,” he confessed. That was surprising, and Eddie was sure it showed on his face. Buck chuckled humorlessly as he set his fork down. “Yeah, I didn’t expect it either but Eddie, I needed some sort of _closure_. I hadn’t thought about her in the longest time but since meeting Red…”

Eddie remembered the near-desperate look on Buck’s face as they all stood around that pool table, him recounting the life of the veteran firefighter in a tone that was clear that he saw his future in Red. All of them had noticed it, but no one was willing to give him reassurances they weren’t sure they could keep.

Except Eddie, because there was not a chance in hell that he was going to let Evan Buckley walk out of his life. It didn’t matter what happened to them professionally, Eddie needed to make sure Buck knew that he always had a home in him and Chris.

“It was awkward, in a way it’s never been between Abby and I. She said she was sorry that I found out about Sam like that.”

Eddie’s eyebrows nearly flew off his face with how fast they shot up. “That’s what she’s sorry for?” Despite himself, Buck laughed, shaking his head as he stole another glance at the couple.

“I asked her the same thing, and at the moment it didn’t really register, but throughout the whole talk, she never once apologized for practically ghosting me. I was so angry, Eddie, I just fired questions left and right at her.”

“You had the right to.”

“It didn’t feel like I did,” Buck admitted quietly, staring down at his plate for a minute before fixing his gaze everywhere but Eddie’s face. “She thought she was going to come back home. I asked over and over what point in her entire...eat, pray, love experience she realized that she wasn’t coming back to me. You know, if it was Paris, Dublin, or even the airport. I didn’t get a clear answer to that either.

“Eddie, I waited _months_ on her, even though at the back of my head, I _knew_ it was hopeless. Even before all the ribbing from the team and Maddie who called it literally thirty seconds into finding out about her. She wasn’t the same person after her mom died, and once she got her wings back, she was never going to come back to the cage.”

Something in his voice didn’t sit right with him, and when he figured out why that was, his head spun.

“Wait, are you _blaming_ yourself for this?” Eddie asked incredulously, unable to mask the sharpness of his voice. He thought to himself that perhaps he was being more protective than he needed to be, _again_.

“I-I don’t know. No? Yes? Maybe?” Buck took a long swallow of coffee, quickly smiling at the waitress as she waltzed by to top them off. Eddie didn’t take his eyes off Buck’s expression, watching as the hesitance spread. “It’s hard to feel like...to feel like you’re worth being a reason for someone to stay for once. Doesn’t mean I’m blaming myself for her not staying, but just feels like I wasn’t even worth an answer. I just...I wasn’t enough.”

Those words stole the breath from his lungs, rendering him speechless as Buck looked away, their food forgotten. 

He clearly remembered saying those same three words out loud to his captain, admitting his inadequacy to one of two people in this world he knew wouldn’t judge him for anything. The fear of losing his job, the anger of the lawsuit, of Shannon, of everything surging up to drown him in the form of angry tears as his last tether snapped. 

He hadn’t even had it in him to be humiliated by his breakdown by the end of it, even though Bobby had just pulled him into a hug and gave him the best therapist he could ask for.

“You’re more than enough. _Way_ more than enough,” Eddie found himself saying, even as the vulnerability clung to his spine. Buck looked at him wide-eyed again, definitely taken aback by the two forms of unguarded statements Eddie had given him. “Buck, I-”

This was _not_ going to be how Eddie told him how he felt, so he changed tactics. “I know I don’t do a great job of showing it, because to be honest, I left you once too.”

He didn’t realize how true the words were until he said them. Sure, the lawsuit had stopped him, but even when it was over, he didn’t step in when Buck was struggling, didn’t even try to understand where Buck was coming from. That was a form of leaving too.

“No. Stop right there, Eddie,” Buck interrupted, leaning forward to take his hand. It was a comfortable movement, one Eddie reciprocated immediately with a tight squeeze.

“Let me say it, Buck. I don’t have the words to tell you how important you are to Christopher and I. And I don’t know how to tell you that we want and need you around, that I want you around. Hell, I can’t even drop my kid off to a summer camp without wishing you were there.” He took a deep breath, needing to look away for a minute.

“This isn’t about you and me though, because you need to get this thing about Abby off your chest, but I just needed you to know that. That you are enough, and I’m not leaving ever again.”

“The lawsuit got out of hand for both of us, and we both just...left, I guess. It’s water under the bridge now, Eddie,” Buck insisted stubbornly, staring down at their joined hands. “But you’re right. I do need to get this thing about Abby out of my system.”

“So, continue,” Eddie prodded lightly, pulling a small smile from his best friend. 

Little victories.

“Abby said over and over that she wasn’t someone outside a helper. Like, she was a person who built her identity around solving other people’s problems. And I get that, right? We’re firefighters, our lives revolve around making sure people stay alive. She was a dispatcher, she had a mom with Alzheimer’s who required constant care.

“I understood her need to find herself, and I even understood the urge to stay away from the city that reminded her of all the things she was escaping from. But when she told me that she missed me but didn’t want to come back to me because she thought she’d lose herself again, I had nothing else to say.”

“What do you mean she’d lose herself?” All of these points sounded like justifications in Abby’s favour, and it certainly wasn’t an apology. 

Buck hummed, even as his eyes glistened slightly. Eddie could read the trepidation hiding in those normally bright blue eyes. “I guess she got it in her head that she had to _help_ me with something. Like...I was holding her back from living a free life. Maybe it’s because I was 16 years younger, or a sex addict, or whatever. But I don’t think she cared about me the same way I cared about her.”

The self-depreciation in Buck’s voice wrapped around Eddie’s heart and squeezed painfully. Right there, he knew that he was going to fight tooth and nail to show Buck that he wanted him in his life, to show him how much he loved him. 

“I don’t know if you want to hear this from me, or if I'm overstepping but Buck...that was...well, bullshit. It wasn’t an apology and all it ended up doing for you was invalidating your feelings about it,” Eddie said frankly, holding his breath as Buck snapped his head back up to look at him. There was no trace of anger in his expression, so Eddie continued. “I don’t know her but it sounds like Abby wasn’t the same person you dropped off at the airport that night.”

“She wasn’t. She was sitting on the bench with me and I thought I was sitting with a stranger the entire time. The Abby I knew...she wouldn’t have hesitated to apologize, wouldn’t have made me feel so inadequate. This Abby was brutally honest to a fault. I can’t justify why she said what she said, but I can appreciate that she was upfront with me. I can’t be mad at her for putting herself first for once. She’s happy and honestly, that’s all I can ask for.”

“Are you?” Eddie asked quietly. 

Buck mulled over the question carefully, pushing bites of pancake back and forth on his plate languidly. “I _am_ happy, because I have my family. It’s all I ever wanted. The closure I got from her wasn’t what I thought it would be, but it closed that chapter of my life. Yeah, there are some questions I still don’t have the answer to, but I don’t think this new Abby would’ve been able to answer them anyway. It’s more...completely moving on because now I _know_ that whatever was there is...gone, I guess. I know where the two of us stand now.”

There had been a part of that acceptance on Buck’s face while Sam was being wheeled out to the ambulance. Abby had been looking straight out at them from the doors of the ambulance as she climbed in with her fiancé, and Eddie had stepped in front of Buck without a single thought, as if that could protect him from her scrutiny. 

But he’d never forget the shattered expression on his best friend’s face, the one that told him Buck was barely holding it together. He wouldn’t forget the way his jaw worked as he swallowed around what Eddie presumed to be a lump in his throat. He wouldn’t forget the rough way Buck had said “what’s next” in a non-answer to Eddie’s question.

They’d thrown themselves into work, and with the hectic nature of the night, Eddie hadn’t gotten the chance to check back up on Buck. But he was glad they got to do this today.

He said as much. “Thank you for trusting me with that. And for what it’s worth, anyone would be lucky to have you as their partner. I know I am.”

Buck shook his head and pressed his hand one more time before letting go, a light blush dusting across his face. “Thank you for listening to me.” 

They continued eating their now-cold food in a comfortable silence, Eddie noting with an inane satisfaction that Buck seemed a little lighter than before.

“So...thoroughly distracted?” Buck asked as they finished up, a smirk on his face. 

He barked out a laugh. “Not really, but I’m getting there. It’s going to be hard to figure out what to do during these two weeks though.”

“He’s gonna be fine, you know that, right?”

“Up here I do.” He tapped his temple, before tapping his chest. “It’s here that I don’t. After the skateboard thing, I trust Christopher to come to me if he feels he can’t do anything, to make sure to do things safely and if he wants to try. This summer camp’s going to do wonders for his self-confidence and independence. But it’s going to be a learning curve for me, to live without him for even these two weeks.”

“I’m sure we can think of a few things to bide the time.” Buck knocked his shoulder into Eddie’s with a teasing smile as they walked up to pay their bill. “Christopher gave me a list of things you might like to do.”

And damn if that didn’t have him wanting to break down and sob. Buck must’ve recognized the winded look on his face, because he turned to look at him worriedly. “Eddie?”

“I’m okay, I just love my kid so much,” he managed to choke out, distracting himself by pulling out his wallet. There was a picture of him and Chris lodged in there, which ultimately made things a little worse. Still, he politely thanked the cashier before slipping the wallet into his back pocket, having pushed the impending tears to when he was alone in his room.

“So...now what?” Eddie asked as they climbed back into the truck. True to LA, the heat had skyrocketed and _man_ , did Eddie regret wearing a long-sleeved shirt. He pushed the sleeves up to his elbows and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for the AC to get with the program.

Before Buck could answer, Eddie’s phone rang with one of the supervisors’ numbers. Quick as lightning, he picked up, beckoning Buck closer. The other man took the phone and put it on speaker.

Christopher’s chirpy voice filtered through the cab of the truck, easing some of the knots that had taken precedence in his chest. “Hi, Daddy!” 

“Hi Christopher, did you reach camp okay?”

“Yeah! The bus ride was so fun, we sang songs and told stories and it was so much _fun_!” he rambled excitedly, bringing a wide grin to Eddie’s face. If only the bus ride had him this hyped up, the rest of the two weeks were going to have him bouncing off the walls. He did not envy the poor soul putting all these kids to sleep at night.

“That sounds great, buddy, I’m glad you’re having a good time already.” He looked up at Buck who was watching the phone with one of his infamous beaming smiles. “Hey, Chris, I have a surprise for you, actually.”

If anything, Eddie could practically feel Christopher’s amped-up, vibrating excitement through the phone. “Bucky!”

Eddie laughed but confirmed it. Nothing in this world got Christopher quite as eager as the prospect of Buck, and vice versa. “Yeah, it’s Buck.”

“Hey, Superman!” He greeted, looking a little misty-eyed. Watching Christopher and Buck together was Eddie’s favourite pastime anyway, so he indulged himself as they chattered enthusiastically about impromptu Disney karaoke, Buck’s own elation matching with his son’s. “What are you guys up now?”

“Ms. Sanders said we can call our parents before we go have a snack. Did you do what I told you to?” Christopher asked with all the seriousness Eddie had ever heard from him. He was confused, but Buck seemed to know exactly what he was talking about.

“Yup! Operation Buck Up Eddie is officially in motion,” Buck replied, lowering his voice dramatically. Christopher giggled loudly but congratulated him for it.

“'Buck Up Eddie?' You couldn’t think of another name?” Eddie refused to look too closely at _this_ version of his son and best friend ganging up on him; he’d probably sob for days if he let himself feel the heavy weight of how lucky he was.

“No Daddy, because both your names are in it. It’s funny. You’re not allowed to be sad, and you’re not allowed to let Buck be sad either.”

“I promise, I’m not sad and I won’t let your Buck be sad either.” After the breakfast conversation, the words carried a little more weight. Faintly, they heard the sound of his teacher in the background. He hated that it was a timed phone call, but other kids needed to call home too. “You take care okay, Christopher?”

“I will. I love you Daddy and Bucky! Bye!” The exhilaration in Christopher’s voice settled some of Eddie’s fears.

“We love you too!” Buck and Eddie chimed back in unison, all three of them laughing before Chris hung up. Eddie stared at the phone for a little bit, wishing he could call back.

Buck’s hand came to pat his shoulder. “See? I told you he was happy.”

“I’m still stuck on ‘Operation Buck Up Eddie’ to be honest. What’s that all about?” Eddie tried to think when he’d taken his eyes off the two of them long enough for them to conspire an entire mission.

Buck looked inordinately pleased with himself, twisting in his seat to face Eddie. “It was Christopher’s idea for the name actually. It’s our plan to make sure you don’t drive yourself insane.”

“Didn’t we already establish that you’re the more overprotective one?”

“Maybe,” Buck conceded. “But still, you need this so you can stop looking like someone kicked your puppy.”

“I don’t look like that,” he grumbled, reversing out of the parking lot. “You want me to bring you back to your Jeep now?”

“Actually, yeah, I have a few errands to run,” he checked his watch. Eddie nodded and took the correct turn. The radio hummed in the background as Buck continued. "Christopher's gonna love that diner. Their pancakes are better than the ones from our regular place."

"If he eats them like you do, he's going to be hopped up on sugar for months. And I'm just going to leave him with you until it fades." Buck _drowned_ them in syrup, one of his very few food indulgences. 

"You say it like it's a bad thing," he teased, the banter easily flowing between them. He and Christopher would have a field day at just the possibility of both of them partying it up at Buck's apartment for days on end. Eddie scoffed, his grin belying the dismissive notion. “It’s the growing up, isn’t it?”

“What?” The change in subject disoriented him.

“Like..the whole thing about your son growing up so fast. What’s eating at you the most,” Buck clarified. Eddie didn’t even know why he bothered to be surprised by Buck instantly catching wind of what he'd been thinking ever since he put Chris on that bus. 

“It feels like the time slipped through my fingers,” he confessed. “When I came back, Christopher was the only thing in my life that made it worth living. God, I feel so guilty about it now, but Shannon wasn’t willing to let me adjust to being a civilian again. And I got it, because her mom was sick and was running on borrowed time too. On top of it, my parents were being overbearing on both of us, waxing poetry about the medal but I _hated_ to be reminded of it constantly. At that point, the only thing I could see when I closed my eyes was that helicopter wreckage, feeling the phantom pain from the bullets.” 

The round scar on his wrist was visible now that his sleeves were pushed up; Eddie could feel it burn as he remembered the streak of white hot pain that had accosted him. As they stopped at a red light, he risked a glance over at Buck, who was staring at him steadily. The earnest look gave him the courage to continue.

“But when I got home, Christopher _knew_ me, and he latched on and didn’t let go. He _wanted_ to be with me all the time. And I was the luckiest father in the world because he still saw me as a safe space, despite the fact that I was gone for most of his life. I missed so many of his first moments, even though I have videos of them all. Still, it’s not the same.” He pressed on the accelerator, thankful for driving to keep him from feeling too exposed. 

“Watching him get on the bus this morning just brought all that back to the fact that in a few years, he’s gonna be too cool for his dad’s affection,” Eddie pointed out. Buck laughed lightly.

“That kid loves you to the death. He’s never going to be tired of it. You’re the best dad I’ve ever seen, truly.” There was a pinch of wistfulness in Buck’s voice that Eddie pretended not to notice, not wanting Buck to close off to him right now.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Buck make an aborted movement to reach for him, fist curling on his thigh. Smiling secretly to himself, he held his hand palm up above the gear, not looking over at him.

Eddie was well-familiar with the hesitation that came with moments like these where all he wanted to do was reach out to Buck, or hug him, or whatever. Some of those actions were far too intimate for either of them to handle in vulnerable moments, but the touch helped ground them.

Buck laced his fingers with Eddie’s immediately, relaxing back in his seat. They didn’t look at one another, but the point of contact made it easier to believe that someone was there for them. A bit of comfort both of them could use after the events of the past few days.

“Got pretty serious this morning, didn’t we?” he commented, in awe at how easy it was to talk to Buck about all these things Eddie couldn’t even muster the courage to tell his therapist.

The sound of Buck’s laugh reverberated across the windows. “I think we both needed to let things out. Look at us, communicating like adults.”

“I’m proud of us,” Eddie declared, chuckling at Buck’s wholehearted agreement. As his Jeep came into view, a twinge of annoyance strummed at Eddie at the prospect of Buck leaving.

“Wanna join me in doing boring grocery shopping and clothes shopping and all that?” Buck offered as he got out of the truck, tightening their fingers before letting go. 

“Is this another part of your mission?”

“Nah, this is me inviting you out so I don’t get bored. It’s on the other side of town though, that’s why I’m grabbing my Jeep too,” he explained, tapping his fingers against the roof of the trunk as he leaned on it. 

Buck’s six-foot-two was just enough that he didn’t have to stoop down to talk to him, but the casual way he was standing shouldn’t have been so unfairly attractive either. Eddie shook the thought off and tried to compartmentalize his day. With Chris gone, there was virtually nothing on his calendar, which - now that he _really_ thought about it - was pathetic. 

Well, he had groceries to buy too, so he might as well buy them with Buck, whose endless commentary over mundane things would keep him entertained. 

Eddie looked back at Buck’s hopeful face before shrugging and agreeing, a little dazzled by the blinding smile that took over his expression.

"Oh, and Eddie? I'm lucky to have you and Chris, too." Buck left him with those words, bounding over to his truck with a skip in his step. Eddie sat, stunned, in the driver's seat, the goofiest smile in the world printed on his face.

He watched his best friend get in his car, then shifted his gaze over to where Christopher’s bus had been. It was going to be hell without Christopher for these two weeks but maybe...Operation ‘Buck Up Eddie’ had its own charm. 

Eddie laughed to himself before putting his truck in drive, following after Buck’s Jeep.

Yeah, it was luck.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments make my day, so thank you to everyone who leaves them!
> 
> I currently have many many prompts lined up for me to work on, but if you are willing to wait, my Tumblr inbox is always open for Buddie.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [zeethebooknerd](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zeethebooknerd) or on Twitter at [tkreyesevandiaz](https://twitter.com/tkreyesevandiaz).


End file.
